Omablah

Well, this past weekend was my long-awaited trip to Omaha for my cousin's wedding. Can you sense the sarcasm and bitterness already? Oh, the bitterness is not directed at my cousin Cori. No, it's not her fault that she scheduled her wedding the same weekend as prom. I guess. What upsets me is that my mother guilted me into going. Now, as mothers do, this is just par for the course, right? Well, more than simply guilt me, she depended on me to go with because she decided to drive there. From Madison. Which meant I had to leave work early on Friday, get in a car into Madison (1.5 hours), then depart from Madison to Des Moines (5 hours), arrive at 1:00AM, get up and leave Des Moines at 9:00AM for Omaha (2 hours). Round trip, this comes out to 17 hours in the car for yours truly. Since Mother has a lot of knee problems these days (she does actually need to get it replaced. Never mind that she spent decades ruining it by playing competitive tennis when she was told that she shouldn't.). Oh, but we brought Mother's boyfriend, John, along for the ride. Sure, he doesn't say much, or anything, but he sure was there to help for the drive. That whole hour of it. Yeah, he's so worthwhile. I'm so glad that we were able to spend 17 hours in the car for a minimalist (read: lame) ceremony. It wasn't even a full Mass. I want my Jesus! But I guess nobody asked me. Followed by an ok reception (actually followed by a 2 hour break). The best part was seeing my cousin Morgan (Cori's sister and the maid of honor) make a drunken fool out of herself. I think she flashed a 10 year old boy on the dance floor. No joke. But was that really worth seeing my asshole of an uncle tell me that I needed a haircut, I should have worn a white shirt, and the shirt I had on didn't fit. Not to mention all sorts of other crazy ramblings about the "liberal media." Finally, we left the reception. For those of you not familiar with Omaha, there are these extremely weird bronze statues they have of running animals. It feels like there's going to be some kind of stampede. If we hadn't been absolutely exhausted and disgustingly full, there would have been some classy photo ops. Maybe next time I go to Omaha. Oh wait. That will be never. Never again.

On the Road Again

I just returned from my trip to Des Moines with Adam, Buckley, and Hank. I feel as though I never need to eat again. All we do in Iowa is sit around and eat. Don't get me wrong, it's pretty great at first. But it's not too long until eventually you can't take any more rich food. Perhaps if I had some willpower, I would know when to stop drizzling Gorgonzola sauce on everything. Then, I might not have more "casual vomit" experiences. Yum. But it was a good time, nonetheless. We were able to cross our visit with our cousin Morgan, who is just a hoot. She couldn't get enough of the impressions Adam and I would do of our mom. It's uncanny really. But what do you expect after 23 years of watching her, 23 years of honing our craft. Some people think it's odd that Adam and I will drive for about 7-8 hours on day 1, stay all of day 2, then leave on the morning of day 3. However, over the years, we have realized that this is the maximum amount of time we can spend in Iowa without going completely crazy. A second full day would simply end in a combination of hostility and painful boredom the likes of which have not been seen before. But don't get me wrong, it's definitely worth the trip, and not simply because we're pampered for those few hours. It's a good time to get to see our aunts and cousins, not to mention Grandmom. However, I don't like to hear the talk of how good it is we were able to visit this summer because she probably won't make it to Christmas. And I had to hold back the tears when Grandmom was asking me if I could remember the times when she was more active and stronger, because she didn't want my last memories of her to her sitting in her chair all day. I promised her that they wouldn't be, and I told her that my fondest memories were the afternoons that I would spend at her house after Kindergarten. But, enough of the seriousness.

So, Adam and I returned last night, watched The Devil Wears Prada (teaching me once again that I should become in-house counsel for a fashion corporation--that is the right message, isn't it?), and went to bed without dinner, since we were still full from the eating extravaganza. Tonight I'm hauling my stuff over to my apartment with Julie and Jackie, then packing up for my trip to Memphis and Mississippi, when I get to see Jordan!